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Homeschooling Helps Develop Empathy in Children © Beverley Paine, 2005 Caring how others feel is a bit of two-edged sword and that's why most people seem to shun developing empathy. When we care how others feel and want to help them meet their needs we find these often clash with what we want or need for ourselves. It's a moral minefield - for adults as well as children. I believe we start life with an instinct for justice but it's eroded by life's lessons. As parents we often justify selfishness to our children, sometimes without even being aware of it. A certain amount of 'self'ishness is necessary to develop a strong sense of self identity and to determine who 'I' am within the crowd, or we get lost to peer group pressure from an early age. I feel that is the relative social isolation of young homeschooled children that avoids this dilemma. With my own children I tried to stick to the Golden Rule... I'd ask them to think about "how I would feel or think if someone acted that way toward me or if it happened to me, right now". I add the 'right now' because it made them place themselves in that other person's place immediately - it was a powerful exercise in imagination. It took time - this isn't something you can do in a moment. It takes longer than telling a child off, or threatening them, or bribing them ("if you be nice you'll be a nice person and people will like you") Sometimes I'd need to take half an hour out of our day to imagine what it would be like in someone else's position. Where possible I'd include these little imaginative journeys any where in our lives - while going for a walk, driving in the car, playing games together, exploring our backyard or the local community. I felt it was important to develop this ability early. Sometimes though we get hurt by others and we learn, little by little, to shut down our empathy, to protect ourselves. It takes a great effort to stay vulnerable. From what I've seen and learned though, it's those most willing to stay vulnerable that are the happiest folk in life. |
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Pioneering members of the home education movement in Australia, Beverley and Robin Paine are passionate advocates of true educational choice for families. They began homeschooling their children in 1986 and three years later started the South Australian Home Based Learners network.
Beverley wrote Getting Started with Homeschooling in 1995-97 and since then continues to write books and booklets on home education. She balances spending time helping home educators with working in her garden and renovating her home, as well as continuing to build her collection of writing on a variety of homeschooling subjects. Beverley maintains an extensive collection of websites as well as several Yahoo groups supporting families teaching their children at home.
In 2007 Beverley joined the HEA and became a committee member in 2008: she also edits and produce the HEA Newsletter, HEA magazine, Stepping Stones for Home Educators, annual Resource Directory and other HEA publications.
If you'd like to keep in touch with what Beverley is up to her in her life, sign up for the Homeschool Australia Newsletter or visit her Homeschool AustraliaFacebook page.